SATIRE: Students, Trump urge UL to #BuildTheWall around Cypress Lake
A recent surge in alligator activity around campus has sparked a grassroots movement among University of Louisiana at Lafayette students and presidential candidates — as well as a rally cry to fence in the alligators and “have the squirrels pay for it.”
On April 14, Craig the Alligator made his way toward the Student Union to sign up for extracurricular activities, place a money order and figure out how to get Lil Wayne tickets. By 5 p.m., however, he was returned across the border ticketless, broke and largely uninvolved. Students chronicled his journey on Twitter.
When the alligators found out the Lil Wayne tickets were first come first serve at UL pic.twitter.com/kSYF74fv0L
— Aldenb (@Aldenb_) April 14, 2016
The student body soon found itself divided on one question: should alligators be allowed to roam free on campus? Of all the voices that are speaking out about this student rights issue, the loudest are the dissenters — particularly Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump.
“You’ve got these millennials — maybe they’re hooked on their iPhones, maybe they’re overmedicated,” said Trump at a rally. “Whatever. They think animals should have the same rights as them. Let me tell you, if I were president at UL, that wall around the swamp would be at least 55 feet high. Don’t believe me? Look at my blueprints. Boom; you’re done.”
It’s a movement that has captured the hearts of far-right-leaning college students at Ohio University and Tulane University, to name a couple. The wall would build upon the barrier that Cypress Lake already has in place and prevent animals from integrating into student life.
“First it’s the alligators,” said Joseph Kravits, founder and president of Cajuns for Trump, “then it’s squirrels. Jesus Christ; one day, it’s gonna be the lizards! When does this cycle of ‘equality’ end when I, an underappreciated upper-middle-class white man, can be a Christian without public criticism?”
The university refused to formally comment, but stated via Twitter that even if the university wished to build a wall, its funds are allocated elsewhere.